We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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