I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
