We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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