i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
