first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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