This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
