now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
