i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
