Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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