I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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