Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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