hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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