she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
