I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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