I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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