So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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