And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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