I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
