I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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