my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
