So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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