plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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