you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
