Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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