Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize