He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I deserve this hangover.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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