More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
