This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There's always time for handjobs
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
