Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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