He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
