I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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