just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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