He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
