So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
