you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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