You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
