just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
