Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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