Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
