I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
