The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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