the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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