i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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