He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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