I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
