I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
