i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
