I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
