I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
