Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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