Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Found the puke drawer
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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