I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sorry about my life...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
