I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
