Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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