I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
