Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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