last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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