dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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