I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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