the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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